2:22 PM

*UPDATE 12/28/2020* 

Panic attack on 7/28/2020 caused me to quit unexpectedly.

One year ago today:  I was depressed, lonely, desperate, and going through the absolute biggest change I had ever experienced.  My life had been turned upside down just a handful of months prior, but I wasn’t letting go.  I wasn’t moving on.  

I knew I needed to “do” something; I just didn’t know what that was.  Again, I was failing.  I wasn’t making enough money to support what he abandoned.  I think deep in my subconscious, I ‘knew’ what I was supposed to do, I just didn’t know how, or where to begin.  

It’s been almost 90 days since I arrived here, in the safe nest of my elderly, at risk of covid, parents.  Thank God for them.  I am celebrating my first month on the job, and I still have a huge grin on my face every morning as I pull into the office.  I am still, right where I need to be.  I was called to save my life by myself for once, and to save a soul, maybe 2.  Maybe at least 96...

I can’t believe sometimes, when I look back just to last year, just how far I’ve come.  One year and 5 months ago, I woke up in the morning, after almost ending my suffering.  PMDD, anxiety, depression, severe low self esteem and even lower self image.  No, I don’t know why.  I am one of the #20.  That to me, is why.  And that was enough.  For the 3rd time since I’d had kids, I seriously considered, and prepared, to take my life.  

I decided, with a gentle nudge of my angels, to instead of taking my last breath - explore.  Learn.  Investigate.  Wake up.  So I did.  I can’t describe how drastically my outlook had changed, in just one sleep.  I would sound krazie.  I went on a long ass journey into my own self.  What makes me tick.  Who the fuck am I?  What makes me happy?  What makes me angry?  Etc...

And here the fuck I am!  Strong!  Capable!  Determined!  Nothing is gonna stop this krazie chick!  

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!