Started at 4:44 pm 12/10/2020 / Returned to it 1/1/2021 at 2:11 pm
I don’t quite know why I started this post when I did, or why I finally returned to write it; I just know that the ‘Universe’ prompted me to. So here goes!
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| This is the thickness of the tree that stopped us from toppling over to our deaths |
Happy New Year! Right? Or, not? 2020 was quite an eye opener for me. Yes, I seem to be saying that a lot each year...but this time it really was. This time last year, my adult daughter and I were facing homelessness. Apparently, stripping me of everything I believed I wanted in the beginning of 2019, wasn’t enough of an eye opener. 🤷♀️ So early 2020, my daughter and I resigned to living homeless, out of our vehicles. My car had heated seats, and so we would keep our things organized neatly in hers, and we [me, her & 3 dogs] would sleep and “use” mine for driving. Well, that didn’t exactly go as planned! 😂
My only friend [at that time] had offered to let us use her RV that was parked at Lake Tyee in Concrete. We began planning for that, but once again, we had a slight blip. The man whom I ‘thought’ was a genuine friend [turned out he had some pretty sick ulterior motives toward me] crossed the line one too many times so my daughter and I hastily left for the RV in the dark, during what we would wake up to, was a complete snowy white out. And no power in the RV. So, we decided to leave the RV and get to town and make a new plan. My car was stuck [guess it wasn’t a 4-wheel drive after all]. So we moved everything from my car to her car and off we went. The only way off that mountain was the main gate, which was a few miles away, up and down a winded snow covered road. A little more than a mile away from the gate we apparently hit an ice patch and started sliding in slow motion toward a 40 foot ledge.
We should have died...
I now wish I had saved the pictures. When we hit the tree that saved us, the driver side of the car was tilted off the edge at about a 40 degree angle 📐. Looking out the window all we saw were tops of evergreen trees. Our only way out was through the passenger side front door, which is already heavy when you’re on level ground. During this experience I was in shock. How in the world did we get out of that without a scratch on us? Mom strength? Maybe. Angels? Most definitely. I am certain it took every one of our Angels to help us endure. After the wreck we still had a mile to go, and the snow was increasing quickly. The first half mile was downhill, of course 🤦♀️ and Maija, my big dog was on a leash meant for Cassius, my 6 lb Chihuahua. 😧 Once we made it to the office, and were greeted with warmth and hot coffee we got ahold of my friend and she came to pick us up.
Thank God for her at that moment. If she ever stumbles across this post, I hope she knows how much I appreciate her, and that even though I removed our friendship from Facebook, I keep an eye on her. I am so sorry to learn of your dad’s passing. I regret that I wasn’t there for you during that time. Please know should you ever need anything, please reach out. ❤️
During the 85 nights [1/14/2020 - 4/8/2020] that we slept on my friends couch, I learned an incredible amount of humility. The lessons I took away from that time were critical in my personal development. These women took me under their wing without a second thought. I learned the importance of knowing how to cultivate food. I learned that someones behavior is more often a cry for some attention, some love, than it is manipulative. Everyone has their own loving style. Once you are open to learning someone’s style, an entire new world of understanding comes into focus. I also learned that there are just some people that you just can’t help because they are stuck in the mistrusting and survival stage. I’ll keep him in my prayers this year.
Early April I left Concrete and drove over to where I am now. When I arrived this place was an absolute mess. I don’t mean physical appearance, no that was Concrete. Here it was emotional. Years of negative energy nearly dropped me to the floor. Immediately I felt like I needed to forge ahead at lightening speed to get financially stable enough to live independent of them. It wasn’t that ‘they’ are bad; It’s the 20 years of every emotion you could ever feel, cramped into one little home. Every room was touched. Including mine. Way too many memories for me and what I lost in 2019, and a deafening amount of pain everywhere else, from them.
Since my arrival here, there have been a lot of positive changes. My mom has essentially given up alcohol, except in social times and occasionally 1 or 2 in the later evening. she’s eating more, drinking more water, and on a good anti-depressant. She is also managing her desire to get high by using marijuana tinctures, instead of alcohol. I got my mom back. Of course I don’t know how long I’ll have her, but I will appreciate and learn from each moment.
The relationship between my dad and I has evolved. Mostly positive. I suppose maybe part of my job here is to make the entire experience a positive one. Perhaps when he is coming to me for guidance, albeit inappropriate for the father - child relationship, maybe I’m supposed to look at it as a professional would, as a way of honing my ability to help others find healing in themselves?
Ponderous 🧐
My beautiful children seem to be on the right path now as well. I’m very proud of them, and so thankful that they have survived the storm of being my children. I’m excited to watch them evolve in their own journeys.
While I’ve been here I have been able to get some answers concerning my own health too. It looks like I’m in for some big changes this year where my chosen career path may be altered dramatically. Eventually, after I submit to a bunch of ‘tests’ [required by insurance before getting to the final answer - which we already know...me and dr.] I will be awarded with the official diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. No, I’m not worried. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m good at, where can I earn a livable income and still follow my path? My worst symptom right now is in my hands. I wake up with painful numbing in my fingertips all the way up past the elbow. The duration varies. And so far, nothing I do minimizes it. My grandmother lost the use of her legs. I pray I don’t lose the use of my hands.
On that final note, I want to say, you already have the answers to everything you seek. You only need to take a moment and look within. Find your lessons. There is where you find the answers.
Always love & light,
Kk
