Krazie Kari is at it again!

 

Everybody lies, right?  We all do it in one way shape or form. We might lie so we can get off the phone without questions, or we might lie to spare someone’s feelings.  Sometimes we will voice a little lie to avoid upsetting someone.  What can it hurt, right?  

That depends on the reason behind the lie.  

Just now I made a little lie about having to take another phone call, just to get off the phone with someone else.  That lie was much easier than explaining the real reason I wanted to get off the phone; my ears are bugging me and I want to write this blog.  Another little lie could be as simple as approving of someone’s outfit when you really think it isn’t flattering.  Personally, I’d rather you tell me I look like I have the ass of an elephant instead of letting me go out in public in that outfit, but still…to each their own.  

What about the lies that you tell in order to avoid getting into trouble?  What kind of trouble are you trying to avoid?  Are you late for an appointment and you lie about traffic?  Eh that’s more like an excuse.  

The lies I’m talking about are the kind that you spin in order to convince another person to side with you, regardless of you being in the right.  Persuasive lies.  Unethical lies.  

Let’s suppose you’ve spun some tales in order to hide the truth behind your behavior.  What do you think would happen if the truth came out?

Now, let’s imagine someone is telling lies about you, your character, in an attempt to change how people feel about you?  How would you feel?  What would you do? What if you had proof that they are lying?  Would you expose them?  Would you gain anything by exposing them?  

Most importantly, what do you think would even change with those people who believed those lies, should you provide them proof to the contrary?  They believed the lies for a reason, didn’t they?  It wasn’t really because the liar was so convincing, it was because they wanted to believe it.  It was easier for them to believe the lies, than it was for them to confront their own role in what happened.  

What do you think?  

Find me on Facebook to continue this discussion! 

As usual…..

Always,

Kj 

Praying by Kesha - Dedicated to everyone!

Praying by Kesha

Lyrics

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"

I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'

I'm proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
'Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known
I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, oh
When I'm finished, they won't even know your name

You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"

I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'

Ah sometimes, I pray for you at night, oh
Someday, maybe you'll see the light
Whoa oh, some say, in life, you're gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive

Yeah! (I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin')
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin

From Golden Child to Scapegoat in 30 seconds…

 

For most of my life I was the “golden child”.  He would consistently complain to me about my brother and how he wouldn’t come to visit.  He would share intimate details of his life with me, things a child should never know. But once I stood up to him I immediately became the scapegoat.  He immediately went to his family and started defaming me.  Eventually his family quit talking to me.  

It’s incredibly disgusting if you think about it.  I can’t even imagine caring so much about my reputation that I would destroy my child’s relationships with other family members.  

I’ve met a lot of people who are recovering from Narcissistic abuse, and so many of them still feel like they’re at fault.  I used to feel like that too.  If I had just lied to my mom when she asked me if he was still seeing “what’s-her-name”, maybe she would still be alive.  If I had played his cruel game, I would still have aunts and uncles.

The truth is, if I hadn’t stood up to him then I would have completely lost myself.  I’m proud of how far I’ve come since holding my ground.  He did his best to silence me.  He did his best to ruin me.  He failed.  He’s threatened law suits because I told my story.  But he has no leg to stand on, legally.  

I have found peace knowing that the truth will eventually be revealed, and it makes me smile knowing that it will be HIS mistake that reveals it.

Karma has no limit.

An open letter to my dad.

Dear Dad,

I’ve written dozens of letters to you since my mother died, but I’ve deleted each one.  I was harboring too much anger and resentment to properly communicate with you.  I am writing to you now to let you know that I forgive you.  

I forgive you for slandering my name to your family.  

I forgive you for involving me in your affairs. 

I forgive you for treating me like your friend/therapist instead of your daughter. 

I forgive you for cheating on my mother and expecting me to keep your secrets.  

I forgive you for ending our father/daughter relationship over money and material things.  

I forgive you for trying to permanently ruin the relationship with my brother.

I forgive you for trying to ruin my relationship with my husband, through his children. 

I forgive you for all of your past.

In some ways I feel sorry for you. To be that unhappy and feel stuck in a marriage, like you felt that you were, couldn’t have been easy.  Her drinking was a big issue and certainly didn’t help her long term health.  I lived with it too. Her fears of socializing were compounded because of alcohol.  She was depressed, an alcoholic and became anti-social because of all of that.  You are a social person and she wasn’t.  I get it. 

I expect that deep down you already know this, but, I didn’t tell my mother anything.  I simply didn’t lie anymore when she asked me direct questions.  I spent most of 2020 lying to her to cover for you.  I hated every minute of it.  I understood your position, but I hated lying to her. I was living with you, for free, so how could I make you stop?  I was in an impossible position, and my own health suffered for it.  When push came to shove, your behavior during the divorce decided for me who to protect.  However, she died still not knowing everything.  I only answered her direct questions.

Additionally, I didn’t move my family across the state to your city to hurt you.  I moved my family so I could live closer to you both, and take care of her when you weren’t home with her.  I never intended on telling her anything.  I just wanted to be close enough to her so when you weren’t, she wasn’t alone.  I didn’t intend on her moving in with me.  If I had planned that, I would have bought a 4 bedroom home, not a 3.  I gave up my private bedroom so she had a place to live while she figured out what to do about you. 

I know you already know this, because basic common sense and logic is one of the things I inherited from you.  I inherited empathy and compassion from her. In my opinion, I got the best of both of you, in me.  I’m much smarter than you ever gave me credit for.  I know the real reason you didn’t want me living with you.  You knew I would see through you.  And in time, if you continue on your current path, the rest of your family will see it too.

I know what happened to you when you were a teen and I know that probably had a huge effect on who you turned into as an adult.

I will always pray that you are happy and healthy, no matter the status of our relationship.  You will always be my “dad”.  But, I will protect my brother from all harm, as much as I can. Protecting him is the only reason I haven’t shown the proof of your lies to your family.  He’s been through enough already, but don’t test me.  If you continue trashing my name to anyone in our family all bets are off.  If you hurt my brother, then I will come at you at full force and prove to everyone that you are the one who is unstable and evil.  So be nice, for once.

The best thing you can do for yourself and my brother is to finally tell the truth, of your own accord.  It’s not too late, yet.  Tell your siblings, my aunts and uncles, the truth.  Doing so will relieve your guilt.  You’ll sleep better and the sharp pain in your gut will subside.  Deep down you know that’s the right thing to do.  

You chose greed over your own flesh and blood.  That is one of the worst sins.  Do you think you won’t be judged when it’s your time?  We will ALL be judged, Dad.  

I’m moving forward in my life and focusing on helping others.  I’m healing the hurt you caused me and I’m doing what my mom wanted me to do. I hope you do the same some day.

I forgive you.  If I’ve received her messages properly, than I think she forgives you too.  The rest is between you and God.

Sincerely,

Your only daughter 

I forgive you…

 The Human heart and mind are such complicated creatures, aren’t they?

I’ve held onto so much hurt, anger & resentment this past year, and it’s time to finally let it go.  None of those feelings will change what happened.  No matter how I feel, things are just how they are.  So why keep hanging on?  

I made a brave decision today.  One I’ve been trying hard to make for months.  Forgive.  Understand.  Accept.

Forgive those who have hurt us because, until we understand where they were coming from, we won’t be able to fully accept our future.

So, it’s time to forgive it all and move past it.  

Always,

KJ +