There is nothing better than living with your parents at the age of 45. Yes, I’m being sarcastic. I fucking hate it. I love them. But I can’t live with them; they drive me bonkers.
There isn’t any peace in this house. I’m sure my being here is making it more difficult. I don’t exactly “know” how it is for them, but I can imagine. For me? Well, lets see... I’ve been the secret keeper of the family since I was a very young adult, possibly even an older youth. I’ve been their counselor the same amount of time. Not willingly I might add. Both of them are guilty of that. It was easy enough to manage before I lived with them, but now it’s every single day. Mom complains about how Dad is being a jerk. Dad complains about her drinking habits and inability to do normal shit. Both have talked to me about how maybe they should have divorced the other years ago. It’s just on-going. Constantly. I get to hear about all of their individual problems, hurt feelings, grievances etc. Basically, I am now a live in psychotherapist to them. 🤦♀️
They can’t decide how to treat me either. One minute they will be telling me what I should be doing with my job, my money, my car, my dogs...and the next minute they’re dumping their shit on me. Mom doesn’t want to go anywhere because of her medical condition (which is worsening by the way) and Dad is always wanting to be on the go. I get to hear it all. Mom constantly talks about how she doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her. Dad keeps acting like he thinks she might get better. Wrong. She won’t get better.
Most of the time you can cut the tension with a knife. How they managed to like each other enough to create my brother and I, I often question. Have they ever liked each other? They are so opposite. Dad is outgoing, active, and enjoys meeting new people. Mom is very introverted, insecure, a bit on the lazy side these days, and doesn’t even like visitors unless it’s certain family. Dad is stern and forceful and mom is soft and understanding. I just don’t get it.
Then there’s me. I desperately want to be alone. I enjoy time to myself, but I also like socializing. I don’t handle tension very well. I feel it too much. I can tell when someone is upset just by the energy that their body gives off. And if they aren’t willing to talk about it, it creates anxiety type feelings in me. I’m already an anxious person. So adding other people’s drama definitely doesn’t help. I’m torn between wanting to help them, and wanting to just run away. But I don’t have anywhere to run to.
Quite often my parents will act childish. For example: dad brought out the empty rum bottle and said “I’m having my 3rd drink out of this bottle”. What he was ‘hinting’ around to was “dammit woman (to mom) you drank all my alcohol when you had your own!” Then a few minutes later he comes out and announces that a friends of his is stopping by. This of course pisses mom off because now she has to go get dressed and try to look happy about the intruder. (((Sigh))) So after she gets up to go get dressed he comes outside again and says to me “I bet that set her off” and chuckled. Like he enjoyed getting her riled up. (((God Help Me)))
And they wondered why I had a nervous breakdown at work. I dealt with a shit ton of people drama at work 8 hours a day, then come home to their drama. Never a moment of peace except a handful of mornings where I got to have my coffee alone before going to work. The constant drama definitely got to me. I had it from both sides.
I have had nothing but drama in my life for the last year. And with everything being closed, or restricted, how do you even meet anyone?
There is literally NO ESCAPE. Is it too early to drink?
